Have you ever been in a restaurant, movie theater, or church service and heard a mom whisper to her children, “Be still and stop moving around!” Not only have I said it to my own children when they were little, but I have witnessed it countless times with moms and dads in numerous situations. It is quite normal for parents to want to teach their children the appropriate behavior in certain social settings. However, being still is one of the more challenging lessons our children will learn.

It seems like such a simple lesson. How hard is it to sit still? Have you tried it lately?

I have found that we are a culture which no longer understands or appreciates the meaning of stillness. Not only is it challenging for children, but I find many adults struggle with being still as well.

Think about it. Usually we’re watching television, listening to the radio, sitting in front of a computer screen, or talking on the phone. We seem to always be in a place where we are being stimulated by some outside force trying to get our attention, entertain us, or inform us of the latest events happening in our world.  In the age of technology, we are more informed than we have ever been and have access to anything we need. While that might be wonderful on some level, it is also disturbing on another.

I find few adults know how to be still. In fact, I will often challenge parents to sit in their favorite chair, with no stimulation of any kind, for five minutes. Few people achieve this relatively simple goal the first time. Initially they perceive this exercise to be elementary. It is only when they are into the second minute that they realize how long five minutes are and how uncomfortable it is to be truly still.
In the last two years, I have practiced being still. I was quite surprised at how hard it was for me to do initially. I realized what I had lost along the way when I filled my air space with noise and information that was probably not going to make my day better.

As I challenged moms to test this out, they concurred it was much harder to do than expected. Many of them said that they noticed that if they got a manicure, they had a hard time being still for their nails to dry. Other moms noticed they couldn’t drive without having the radio playing, even though they may not be listening.
What does that tell us?

It says that we have become a culture who is uncomfortable with silence and we often do not know what to do with it. Long periods of silence will typically make people uncomfortable and they will jump in and talk to divert the anxiety which can arise in the silence.

I was recently being interviewed by a national magazine and late in the interview, there was an extremely long pause of silence. A person who accompanied me told me afterwards that she wasn’t sure she understood the long gap of silence, but trusted that it was okay for it to happen. To be honest, I didn’t really notice it had happened until she pointed it out.  As a therapist, I have often found myself in the midst of silence because I believe people need time to think, process, and sit with how they feel.  I realized while I had been comfortable with silence in the presence of others, I had lost my way on my personal silence.
This all may sound a little deep and you may be asking, “Why is she talking about this in a newsletter for moms?” Here is the bottom line: If we do not model for our children the ability to be still and make it a value in our home, it will not be their normal. The end result: they will be more likely to react to life instead of respond to it.

Reactions are impulsive thoughts and actions, whereas a response is a well thought-out decision to an action, problem, or issue. If I want my children to become healthy adults who are intentional in their thinking, then I will need to model for them what thinking time looks like and teach them how to be alone with themselves.  Stillness allows children to become more self-aware, increase their emotional vocabulary, and know what they think and feel with greater clarity. What mom wouldn’t want that for their children?
I realize different stages of development will impact how you may apply this truth. I also believe there are some things you can do to create a tranquil and peaceful home regardless of the age of your children. Start with sitting at the table with the television turned off or riding to school without the radio playing. Have time every day where you notice the only noise in your home are the voices of the people you call family.  One day they will be gone and grown and you will long to hear those voices again. Don’t let the busyness of today’s world rob you of the memories which come from knowing you were intentional in how you prioritized what really mattered.

Think about it!

Catherine

PS. Check out Psalm 46:10 and meditate on it for the next month. Let me know what you learn by being still by emailing me at “Ask Catherine” on our website.